I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
