i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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