The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
