I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize