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I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
