That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
