i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
they need to just BURY HIM!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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