i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
