sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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