i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my sisters under your porch take her home
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
