he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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