And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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