just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
