i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize