WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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