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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
