I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
