Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
