He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
