Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
