You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
