Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Soap is not a condiment
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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