even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize