I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
