i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
