i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
