Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
