I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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