there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
