The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
