I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
