mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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