You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
