I'm so fucking centered right now
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
