Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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