My boss' voice literally gives me gas
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
