The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
