FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
