I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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