So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
