I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize