i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
