Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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