so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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