So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
