Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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