my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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