I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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