PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
