the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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