i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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