dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
