Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
