how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
and she was petting her beer can
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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