i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
