You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
