Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
