You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
