don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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