Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
