woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
