We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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