Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
