Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
