Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
