did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
