I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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