My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
