I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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