He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
