I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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